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done with what_la [Mar. 19th, 2008|01:14 pm]

moved to:

[info]scratch_armpit
pals please add me!
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falling fast. [Mar. 15th, 2008|02:25 am]
[Current Mood |rejuvenatedrejuvenated]

i used to hate opening up cus i always thought no1 can truly understand how i feel and nothing would be solved even if i say but i've changed to become so fucking whiney, complaining about everything that goes wrong. now it seems lost myself and the direction as my pillar of strength starts disappearing one by one and soon its just left with me and myself.  as i grow older, i realise i've grow alot weaker.

today, i realise how much i miss myself. no longer hoping someone would help me and give me the best advice. i used to depend only on myself to make the best decision and today i finally this side of me has resurfaced. i can only trust myself. dependence is bad, cultivates an over reliance on others and makes one lose oneself to only become an ultimate loser.

i need to pick myself up. u can bring my life down time and again, u can trample on me, ruin me, but someday i'll soar, and i'll make sure i step down on u, harder than you ever did, for all the pain u've put me through. 

been living in a daze for far too long, its time to think about life, cmon fighter.
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double! [Mar. 12th, 2008|02:09 am]
[Current Mood |delightful!]

feels good just eating sitting around doing nothing (: 

todays j's first time at seoul gardens cus she couldnt find the chopsticks and their soup was disgusting and slimmy because they love to eat lala. we had very cool china people beside our table with their specs hanging comfortably on the tip of their nose. the new in thing is to not wear your specs on ur nose bridge. exchanged stares, i had eye contact with one and fell in love with her almost immediately cus i love the way she wear her specs and occasionally looking over, drooling over me & short (as if) they tried eavesdropping us but to no avail because im mr mysterious. one of the girl was neglected and j really liked her.

went to cine to play some arcade (wth..) me&lyly were very good cus we thrashed short&j in the table hockey game, two times.they've some problem coordinating their hand movements and that led to half the goals we scored actually got in with their help. won them in table soccer as well because j own-goaled twice. we played photohunt and successfully kicked eat pussy outta the top10, i know i know, we'r cool.

short&j insisted on taking neoprints (ew ew) but i totally brushed off the idea because its a waste of money we can take pictures using our phones, edit in picasa/photoshop(?) but we still went in. same outcome and excitement for free! :D (credits to me) 

hehe! )

bumped into many people like nic & sherylnoying, jasmine leong wei lian, jasmine's ex: hongyuan, tey fi on & gang. bet the whole worlds going to the party at zouk tonight i wonder whats so exciting about it. im too old for that, way passed the legal age to club, aging, old and dying.

so i heard an ex-cedarian's boyfriend of 3yrs+ passed away recently and when i got home, heard from my mum that layhoon's dad just passed away. losing a person eternally is sucha scary thing. yes? or its only scary when u fail to treasure them when they're alive. ew whats with being so emotional. nobody knows whats gonna happen, especially with mas selamat on the loose. lets live each day like the last. so i should quit zouk so i've ample time to play, right? aya dilemma again :( mac delivery call centre quickly call me please. (why isit i never once stay long on a job???)

a reminder, theres still:
1) ubin
2) prawning
3) camping
3cheers to us!




this life will try to keep us apart, but il keep running back to your heart.
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??? [Mar. 11th, 2008|12:01 am]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

went IT fair to sign up for some broadband service yesterday and it was so mother packed that i wish mas selamat would bomb the whole exhibition hall. its so annoying being pushed around by those aunty uncles @#$& but on a happier note, me & bin got to see jayne! spotted by me me ME and i was so embarrassed when bin insisted we should go over to say hi >:( caught sight of giam giam's side profile and i thought it was someone resembling her cus i didnt remember her face being so round.

met katek guanhong zacq to go over arab street for some sheesha, zoyce joined us later. that place totally suck with the strong indian smell and dirty furniture but the sheeshaing part was ok cus double apple tasted pretty good but the grape one was so choking we almost died. ok stop exaggerating we were so bored we were trying so hard to exhale as much smoke as possible like the other regulars there but, nah.

uhhuh )



released today...
Photobucket 
(canon for you fengzhu!)




i know i should be happy but im feeling ____! the once in a while lost&empty feeling. babe when u left (with the fight being the last thing that happened) i had so much to say but now, maybe its been left unsaid for too long a time.nonetheless, still glad ul be back in my arms soon enough. i hope when i cya tomorrow my emotions will come rushing back to me all at once :( it sucks when i feel u further away from me, when i feel ur no longer putting an effort to understand me. 

i wanna run away.
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2008|05:00 pm]
[Current Mood |disappointedempty :(]

i started work on wednesday and it was averagely ok, people not too bad, met afew people i know like johnathan, dawn tan's exboyfriend aka olivia dumpling's exboyfriend who happens to work at the bar too. jidan working as server and told me there was a hot girl working at the bar but shes not pretty at all! excited for nothing. she helped me paste plaster and jidan went all green with envy, chey. talking about plaster, i think i better go to the temple. first i sprained my ankle after so many years and it swelled into a balloon, then i had an accident and had abrasions on my knee elbow hip n big bruises and on my first day at zouk, with unwashed cups piling, i was washing diligently at a high speed that i didnt see a big chip off the shot glass and it went right into my index finger and it wouldnt stop bleeding. im not being a pussy here but i swear the blood kept gushing out :( and with sucha painful finger i perservered to complete my mission of washing all the cups. i've got the cedar spirit (where!) deep in my heart.

im sucha bitch i wasted 30bucks just to get a damn mc for work cus im totally dreading it. xray for my finger (!?) cus the doc said i might have glass fragments inside which is obviously unlikely otherwise id have been able to feel it and a 6 damn bucks for lousy unprofessional dressing of my poor index finger!?now i know how polyclinics earn. so cunning, and discreet. the worse part, i didnt meet lydae despite the fact i had the whole day free and she was going off for her basketball camp. why do we have to end up hurting each other :( im feeling so sorrowful but no1 understands.

i tried to be kpo to knock some news outta tania but shes so tight-lipped, sighs! and i think i missed out alot on 4s gathering yesterday. i bet if i was present it'd had been more fun ok, but then again maybe not cus bernice (not ahwong) said i became alot quieter but she didnt realise it was because i was eating when she was talking and i really suck at multitasking and eating happens to be my #1 prority. might as well, i think im a really quiet and reserved person now.

that day i was thinking, if i didnt have basketball in my life, i would prolly had sunken into depression and committed suicide.

well, things happen for a reason, the fact that i dont have depression, and i didnt die from my previous 2 accidents, i should start treasuring my life! i shall strive to attend lessons faithfully and have major contributions to group work everyday when school starts in april! :D who are u kidding.

took a 45min bus ride (would have been a less than 20mins bike ride!) to SIM, on the way i thought alot. especially now that lydae is away. i thought im already trying very hard, from someone with sucha stinking attitude, to someone who doesnt pick fight nor shout back, and instead remain quiet when things go bad. its ok if it goes unappreciated but dont throw over a "u dont even think ur at fault", its heart breaking.

y'know...its no longer about "ur the only person i stay so devoted to for so long time",
it has become "il keep trying harder to be a better girlfriend"
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(no subject) [Mar. 4th, 2008|01:14 am]
[Current Mood |impressedimpressed!]

it takes an event to see a person more clearly and im glad i finally did. i guess this is just as far as it goes. i hope someday ul come to realise that friends are not tools u make use of, and u do not flare at them over the slightest thing and be very nice to them only when u need their help. now the fact is right smacked in my face, and sadly lydae's words are proven right (for once) as much as i hate to admit. it took me kinda long to finally be willing to open up my eyes to see what exactly is going on. still, thanks for all the help u've once given me, my heart felt gratitude.

ohyay zouk finally called and im starting work on wednesday and if im lucky i might get some massage on my shoulders or be the hottest crew at the bar that guys start going after. shopping for black shoes and pants tomorrow with ahguan and gardenia. im so sad that works gonna take away ALL the free days i have with lydae but i guess thats just life and we're gonne have to learn to cope with it sooner or later. but from another perception, i excited for work, for il finally be able to break free from those nonsense. 

i miss lydae so much! i didnt see her today, i wont be seeing her tomorrow. and on wednesday il prolly only be seeing her awhile then im off to work :( with her basketball camp during the weekends, i can just wilt and die. hearing her voice on the other side of the line doesnt help lessen the pain. im so sad i've become such an uncool person im never one who feels sad when she says she has to hang up but look at me now, like some kinda poor lovesick puppy. that aside, im so proud to say lyd's grown into sucha wonderful lady, from one i thought il only last 1month with, to someone i hope to live a life with. 2years is a long wait, but it has been worth it (:
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sorry. [Mar. 2nd, 2008|07:02 pm]
[Current Mood |sorein pain!]

sick shit! check these out! (not for the weak heart)

gum piercing:
http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/11-surface/A80128/high/npjz-handpocking-tatz-by.jpg

deep chest piercing:
http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/11-surface/A80128/high/npjz-handpocking-tatz-by.jpg

transfinger:
http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/11-surface/A60407/high/bmepb250951.jpg

omg this guy is crazyshit, his slashes are madness, scar piercing:
http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/11-surface/A40817/high/auskari03.jpg

thats the kinda family warmth i get? haha thats no wonder why i used to hate being at home. now i finally understand. thank god i've my godsend here wimme, for treating me with so much love and for being so nice and careful, taking care of me (: its sad to only find out after 21years that i've always been alone and it wont change.

the last straw, for the better or worse, i might just give up riding altogether.
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the leap [Mar. 1st, 2008|11:41 am]
[Current Mood |soreworn-out]

spent my once-every-4years with those i love, doing what i love most! contented, ^.^ ahgu & shaohua & katek are such idiots i can laugh till i dropdead and die.

anyway, was reading this random person's blog, theres this sick boy/man who leaves comments on almost all of blog owner's entries. clearly shows how egoistic/preachy/desperate guys can get. he was mentioning how its nature that men need women, how women should need men too. how wrong it is to be in love with someone of the same gender and its narcissism.

i thought abit about it. what if it isnt so much of a choice?
  • what if u only look at hot babes when ur out on the street
  • what if u do look at hot guys but there isnt even any form of attraction there, merely an appreciation of their facial features/ dress sense whatnot,
  • what if only women turn u on,
  • what if u only find chemistry in women,
  • what if the men you've met in ur life are far too egoistic for ur liking,
  • what if u think u can provide women with so much more as compared to men, excluding the sex part, but then again, not necessarily.
  • what if u realise ur strong enough to be out on ur own w/o a man,
  • what if ur so strong to the point u wanna give love care and protection to another,
  • what if u like the softness of a woman's touch,
  • what if u like kissing those very tender and luscious lips (short&j dont laugh)

ok im gonna stop here before i put off the heterosexuals.

today's boss day, went out with lydae, couldnt find the jeans i want so i decided im gonna alter my older jeans, dont waste, must adopt jx's aunty spirit. went to fort canning, just climbing the steps could kill me. there was like 10 limes squeezed onto my legs when i was climbing but i persevered and made it through. given such circumstances, i really dont know how am i going to make it for national team trials on tuesday, ankle's sprain, stamina's like shit, muscle ache all over since friday. ok in de first place im not even sure if i should go for the trial, if i want to commit to basketball and see my life declining. ahhhh dilemma! please zouk call me back, please!

fort canning is sucha boring place but i need to relive my childhood memories by going such ulu places again thus i renamed my saturdays as tourist day instead of girlfriend day! :D zack chong when are u going to bring me up jurong hill so i can bring lydae up jurong hill and leave her there and bike down the hill myself. ubin plan being put on hold again and again all thanks to lydae that irritating ghost. there're so many places to go, so many places i wanna go with you!

i watched the youtube clip tiff asked me to and im sorry but David Archuleta's voice makes my hair stand because thats just how good he sound! for a 17year old, its unbelievable, now im watching all his other youtube videos.

last night tiffy told me something no1 has told me before: "yknow how they say 3rd party always sees a relationship more clearly. everytime when lydia looks at u, its a feeling like u really mean alot to her, like theres only u and no1 else around even though we're all there" AWW~ but i mention how lydae loves talking to my friends and ignoring me and tiffy thinks shes just pissing me off and i totally understand cus i piss her off all the time. tiff says we've nothing better to do which is pretty true cus we're fighting all the time and it got violent today because i wanted to let her know how smelly her saliva was so i fought hard to get her saliva and i spreaded it across the area above her lips which is below her nose and she started having foam coming out of her mouth because it was too pungent haha ok this entry is getting too long.

bye.



do u know that ur love is the sweetest sin

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yo wake up. [Feb. 29th, 2008|12:44 am]
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]

if you dont know the rules, seriously, kindly zip it. or if u think u know it so well, why not take my whistle and officiate the game. if its not obvious enough to u, im a qualified referee assigned by the senior to officiate that game. so dont go saying stupid things like "waaa like that also got foul ah, lydat i also can be referee already" when the body contact was so clear or by banging into the opponent when shes just standing there expecting a foul. if u want to, go get ur referee license, then u can stop acting like one and really be one. perhaps, your seemingly small eyes might have possibly caused you to be visually impaired.  kids this days just gotta make redundant comments without considering the fact that to err, is man. and it just goes to show, you obviously think ur damn good.

was browsing my folders, looking for songs & pictures to put into my viewty and i saw "drop it like its hot", thought of how retardedly we'll sing, how we can keep repeating the chorus when we sing london bridge, all the other nonsense songs. prolly my best singing partner, ever. the times we brave through together (trainings!) the trips, grapevine, coffeeshop after training, gushing over -, slackers corner, everything. used to talk to her every other day but now, if im lucky, i only get to talk to her once a week, on msn. BUT! received her sms just now (: feels a tad better. transferred many other pictures, with katek guanhong jas, with mandy tiffy huanjie. just needed to remind myself of those times.

Photobucket 
constantly reminded of you!

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surely is my friend. [Feb. 27th, 2008|11:32 am]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |lethargiclethargic]

i bumped into surely tan sher li last friday at esplanade and shes still as loud because i was just half a metre away from her but she had to scream at her top of her voice (maybe not the top yet) but i find her cuter now, and less kitty, which is a very good thing. keep it up surely. i miss you so.

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